Aug 24, 2013 EMCSA Update

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
The Art Show (mc ff mf fd) (new)  by Witchman
–2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)–

It’s all right, I guess. Though, I can’t say it pulled me in all that well. Hypnosis and lesbianism aren’t the most nuanced of themes. Adding art to the mix helps things a lot, I’d say, but it felt a little dry, for lack of better words. Rather predictable, too. I mean, the whole plot was basically given away right at the beginning. All right for what it was, but like I was saying, it all felt rather dry and stale.
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)

The Third Wheel (mc mf ff md fd ft) (new)  by jman_bigdaddy
–2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)–

There was a big red flag paragraph one: forced drama. As I’ve said many times, I cannot feel anything serious for a fictional character so early. This would’ve been so much better if that whole first sequence was amputated and reattached later in some fashion. As it is, it just sounds like everyone’s whining about things I care nothing about for almost half the story … Anyway, yes, I find plenty of eroticism in the MC themes presented, but it was all rather generic, predictable. Depending on the story, I need some mystery sometimes to keep me reading. This had some, but the revelation about everything seemed very much overdone.
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

WITHOUT
Speed Dating (mc mf fd) (new)  by biggestfanofhaylee
~~1.5/5 (poor +, need to be mesmerized to really like this)~~

First of all, I never heard of Haylee Lynn, at least not by name, and it is not actually clear if permission was given to use her name and who knows how much more. Concerning. Also, this being fictional, I’d say it’s kinda a negative narratively if the author intentionally uses a real person instead of just making one up for a story they made up. If it’s all inspiration, why not at least make up a different name? Geographic locations notwithstanding, using actual people and businesses can make the writer loose control of their own story in my opinion. Anyway, the writing is a bit stilted from the start, while there are some writing errors. Given the context of short form, this seemed a bit over detailed, too. Predictable and needs work.
(ReReadability: Low / Follow: no)

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