11/2/12 EMCSA Update

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

Bimbo-Coins (mc ff gr) (new) by  Idlemane
–2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)–

From the start has the same general problem as this author’s first work posted last week: bland rambling. The grammar is touch and go (there were run-ons, and one or two overlong paragraphs), while the story has such an inorganic feel. Indeed, the author’s first and prior posted work was a touch better written. The idea of an object transforming someone is excellent (I love using that myself), but it’s done very generically here. I admit, I skimmed very early. Bimbo transformation purists may find enjoyment in this genre piece, but I need something more …
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

Subliminal Seduction (mc mf md) (new) by   Ooae
–3/5 (decent, not perfect)–

Another new author, here we go! One nitpick from the start is that “35” and “18” should be spelled out in formal writing. Other than that, things move fairly smoothly. Though I had trouble seeing any significant realism in any of this (everything was way too convenient), the story works in the context of schoolboy fantasy. Nothing new, but not bad.
(Readability: low / Follow: no)

Questioning (mc mf md gr) (new) by  miketheFable
~~2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)~~

I must admit that I’m just not into workplace settings due to the yawning nature of it, unless under the right circumstances: comedy, general weirdness. Unfortunately, this had neither of those loopholes. The plot was obvious from the start, and while only at 5558 words, this somehow felt both overlong and under detailed. A mix that makes this ironically unique … So yeah, there was skimming, while this just didn’t mesh with me.
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

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