WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …
Belonging (mc ff) (new) by If I Was Not You
–2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)–
I came up with an MC story involving colonists on an alien world, but was never able to finish it. Instead, I just used the useable elements of it elsewhere. Anyway, those Green Day lyrics come from the only one of their catalogue that I continue to like, the rest of their music never impressing me. As an observation, it is an interesting choice to use a single instead of double quote for dialogue. Not a big deal, just interesting. The writing felt a little unnatural, but overall readable. Something about the start of this seemed a little harsh, and hard to believe. An orphanage is willing to spend the time on pushing multiple check ups in the span of a week, but gives no apparent aid in getting Eva a job? Were there really no other options other than homelessness? Maybe I don’t know orphanages, but forcing someone that just turned 18 to be a colonist on another world without warning or viable alternatives seems utterly ridiculous! Overall, I think this needed another good edit and maybe rethinking. There are some interesting themes here, but the overall presentation wasn’t the strongest.
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)
The Mind Control Powers Of One Cassandra Wentworth (mc ff in gr la rb) (new) by Steven Bachman
–2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)–
Hopefully a long winded title is a good sign! Some minor punctuation errors or at least arguable oddities (not exactly perfect myself!), but overall readable. Still, there was nothing for me to like here. Maybe I was skimming fairly early, but our heroine here just did awful things without any real reason or point to it. And a pizza delivery leading to sex? Really? Just a story for those into the making of sex slaves without anything else.
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)
Aftereffects (mc mm) (new) by webb025
~~2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)~~
Every so often I try to review an MM story. Thus far, there haven’t been any winners. Anyway, I overlooked how the title should technically be two words, because I assumed it had something to do with the story. Anyway, starts on a negative note for me, and that is something I never like. I can’t be made to feel sorry for someone that got fired just before sentence one. This does loosely remind me of a band teacher I knew that got fired for the rumored reason of watching porn on his school computer. Of course, while certainly eccentric, he never MC’ed anyone to my knowledge! The story itself was difficult to get into. I guess I just don’t know what real MM attraction is like. Sure, I have a friend that happens to be gay, but sexuality is never directly on the radar. Narratively, in my opinion, there’s often just too much attraction and sex in these stories, and not mush story. Equally, too much FF and MF sex is not necessarily that great either narratively. There is an interesting story hiding in here, it just got lost …
(ReReadability: Low / Follow: no)
Sure, I’ll read or write a piece of erotica for the heat, but I always consider having a story beyond that important. There’s something about a woman choosing to be transformed for her own or another’s reason that can be so much hotter to me than a vampire roaming around just to fuck and suck.