Oct 5 2013 EMCSA Update

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
Rubberwerks (mc mf ff ft) (1 new chapter)  by Lyka Bloom
–3.5/5 (good, not quite earth shattering)–

As an immediate issue, it seems odd and inconsistent to me that the first chap was called “Part One” and the second “Chrysalis” … Still felt on the slow side, while following the unsurprising machinations of the genre, but still written well enough otherwise. As a side note, it hit me while I was reading this that I would have pushed to explore the place during the day. You know, because that would make is so that everyone would not be stumbling around in a dark, unfamiliar place that would very likely be there the next day. I mean, I don’t think there’s such a thing as night archaeology … Anyway, the hive mind aspect was excellent, while the distinct weirdness more than made up for those issues.
(Chap ReReadability: low / Chap: 2)

Whiff (mc mf md gr) (new)  by Limerick
–3/5 (decent, not perfect)–

Written well enough, and while not particularly striking, kept my interest. The only real weakness narratively was how it all felt very straight forward for the MC genre. Might have something to do with me not finding food erotic on its own. Not much heat here for me, but nice TF all the same.
(Chap ReReadability: low / Chap: 2)

WITHOUT
Caught (mc mf md) (new)  by HM Sandy
~~1.5/5 (poor +, need to be mesmerized to really like this)~~

I found the writing here a bit too much tell instead of show, stilted for lack of better words, and probably deserving of another edit. I don’t need to know every step taken from car to front door. I have an imagination … The wonky detail and stiltedness made me skim very early. As a nitpick, I just can’t get myself to like the use of “unn” or “uhn” instead of other related words. Maybe it’s a dialect/language thing, but I personally never heard anyone affect that … Anyway, the storyline did feel very rushed. Getting right to it is one thing, but things just suddenly happening without much transition is another. Granted, I was skimming a bit, but I had serious trouble following each almost random scene to the next. And, “book of life”? Wha?
(ReReadability: Low / Follow: no)

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