9/28/013 EMCSA Update

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
The Hose Touch (mc mf md ft) (new)  by jman_bigdaddy
–2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)–

Felt kinda thick at the beginning, but wasn’t too badly written. I personally would have cut most of the first half of the first paragraph, and pasted it elsewhere. Also, the lightning aspect felt very cliche, and while I have no problem with explanation, the creation of these hose was rather blandly written. I guess I only like hose when worn by a woman! Overall, I guess this was all right, but nothing here particularly struck me.
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)

The Queen Bee (mc ff) (new)  by InLeaves
–2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)–

The premise loosely reminds me of the silly Invasion of the Bee Girls, which has a wonderful TF sequence, but those Bee Girls seemed pretty stupid in the climactic scene … Anyway, I’m agnostic, so using religion as a backdrop isn’t always big deal to me, albeit giving nothing heat-wise. However, it is a very specific tinge, so I guess that could make the ice a bit thin, so to speak. Ultimately, I found myself having trouble getting into this. Yes, the mythology here is interesting, but the medieval nunnery backdrop kinda made it all bland for me. Has its moments, but everything felt too on the nose or stinger I guess.
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

WITHOUT
Tea Break (mc mf md) (new)  by Doxy
~~1/5 (poor, not even a guilty pleasure)~~

Having the first paragraph one long run-on sentence is a big red flag for me. Typos, further run-ons, and grammar issues, too. Felt like I was reading stream of consciousness, so it was hard for me to read. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of my stories have roots in stream of consciousness writing, but I always edit it accordingly. The story itself, what I could gather, felt very rushed, too. Just didn’t mesh with me. Down right bounced off!
(ReReadability: Low / Follow: no)

RANDOM COMMENTS
I must admit that I feel like I’m winding down a bit with writing erotica, but I’m far from done!

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