June 29, 2013 EMCSA Update!

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
The Master Chamber (mc mf md gr) (new)  by Dracone
–1/5 (poor, Uwe Boll might like it)–

Sentence one being an arguable run on, or at least poorly constructed, is a major negative alone. Also, I’m simply not pulled into a story if it starts with general complaining. I don’t think the start has to be positive, but I personally think setting a negative tone at the start is not a good way to entice a reader, even if this isn’t meant to be the lightest piece. While I don’t really care if a Mustang’s year is correct in a work of fiction, I do care about poor sentences, awkward dialogue, ridiculously overlong paragraphs, questionable grammar, etc, etc. I’m not normally one to push the concept of an editor, but maybe getting some peer review wouldn’t hurt …
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)

Snaking a Claim (mc ff mf fd la sf) (new)  by Half Shim
–3/5 (decent, not perfect)–

Well, as long as the snake-ladies have some fangs OK, I don’t like bondage heat-wise, but Half Shim makes it fine narratively, being a fine writer! Loosely reminded me of that movie Lair of the White Worm except this story was a bit better than that movie, which starts boring as all hell! No serious heat for me, but like I said, a good story, albeit without serious surprises. Nicely detailed TF, too.
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

WITHOUT
Your Place or Mine (mc mf fd) (new)  by BadChoices
~~2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)~~

Written well enough, but seemed to lack serious drive, or energy, or something. Felt like an explanation piece, for lack of a better description, and while I suppose that could work well enough, it wasn’t all that enticing here. This did remind me of the Louie episode where our hero was, to his surprise, propositioned sexually by a woman in her car after a show, leading to him almost having sex with her and the woman’s husband (proposition thus rejected awkwardly). There’s also an episode where a young woman has a one night stand with him, to his shock and joy, because she has a fetish for “old men” … Anyway, I had a lot of trouble seeing the Mind Control here. She was a dominatrix and he a submissive, but nothing even truly hypnotic seemed to transpire. Even though it tried not to be, this was rather black/white and 2D. Would you like to do this, or would you like to do that? Right …
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

RANDOM COMMENTS
It is interesting to not that, while I have a very strong sense of humor otherwise, I often have serious trouble picking up the humor in MC Erotica, and that is probably why I never write any MC that’s fully comedic …