6/15/13 EMCSA Update!

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
Enthusiorgasm (mc mf ff md gr) (new)  by Limerick
–3/5 (decent, not perfect)–

It at least has an interesting title! Did have plenty of polish, but the effects seemed to appear rather fast with a just a single pill. Seemed like minutes, the way it was written, while the fastest pill I know takes about fifteen minutes, because it needs to get through your digestive system. The last time I wrote about a pill making such extreme changes so quickly, all the pill really did was wake up what was dormant within her. To the point, as someone else mentioned, this wasn’t particularly strong narratively. The plot lacked any surprises, while it seemed more than fantastical that this obvious bimbo pill was so popular. I just didn’t read a strong enough reason why so many women would do that to themselves … Anyway, the saving grace was that the heat was enjoyable as was the TF. Given the blatantness of the plot, however, this was rather overlong.
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)

Nesting Dolls (mc ff mf md ma) (new)  by BluejayGS and CG
–2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)–

Wasn’t particularly pulled in from the start, but I didn’t start skimming or anything. Well polished, at least. Though I got the impression I was meant to feel the opposite, it felt as if this took a while to really get going. Fine for what it was, but not really my thing.
(ReReadability: low / follow: no)

WITHOUT
The Tomes (mc mf md) (new)  by Dracone
~~1/5 (poor, done without choice in the name of piece and sanity)~~

Grammatically, I didn’t think it was that bad, but the whole thing was very wooden, while flowing very poorly. Also, is it really that painful to spell out even single digit numbers? Plus, as I know Mr Scade would agree, throwing a large block of background exposition and detail is likely the worst possible idea to pull a reader into the story paragraph one. As Freud liked to say, sometimes a hammer is just a hammer, and in this case that translates to there being no need to state every mundane detail about a character and place. Suggest it, hint at it, let the reader’s imagination connect the dots. The unnecessarily long paragraphs with the unnatural sentences just add to how unreadable this is …
(ReReadability: high / Follow: no)

RANDOM COMMENTS
I think the best reason to spell out smaller numbers doesn’t completely lie in formality; it lies in descriptiveness. “101’ can be stated in more than one way in English (one-hundred and one, one-oh-one, one-hundred-one). So, why not give further hints of personality by showing the reader how the character does it?

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