3/23/13 EMCSA 23 Update!

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
The Serpent Sisters (mc mf fd) (new)  by mowgli
–1.5/5 (poor +, need to be mesmerized to really like this)–

I had a lot of trouble getting into this one from the start. I’m not sure if I can get pulled in effectively by an author writing in an unsurprisingly favorite day of the week. Plus, this Tommy was a little too full of himself, and not in a fun or interesting way like Dark Shadow’s Quentin Collins. Also, Tommy’s real name being Thomas was little too obvious to bother mentioning, while it seemed a poor excuse to explain how his gf had dominant tendencies, especially there being no indication he didn’t like the nickname. There were formatting issues, too: missing spaces, added spaces, missing punctuation, etc. Not enough to make it unreadable, but enough to make it grating. Another reviewer uses the term “one handed” occasionally, and that may be a good description for the issues here. I’m not saying an editor should have been contracted. I’m just saying this feels like a first draft. While I had trouble seeing it, I’m sure there’s a half decent story hiding in there that hypno purists would like. This just needed a lot more work …
(Readability: low / follow: no)

Shoulda Stayed in Bed (mc mf ff) (new)  by J. Darksong
–3/5 (decent, not perfect)–

It does not detract from the score, but mf sex from the pov of the female is not what I exactly look for. Just a side note, as this was written just fine. Had stylistic writing elements I’m not normally a fan of (bit too one on one conversational), but again, the writing was fine objectively. A bit on the slow side, I thought, while I’m not into S&M heat-wise, but this turned out to be a satisfying, rather amusing genre piece with a witty, adaptable (?) detective.
(Readability: moderate / Follow: no)

WITHOUT
The Winning Collar (mc mf md gr) (new)  by Patrick27
~~3/5 (decent, not perfect)~~

Well, I guess I have less then ten years now until my country’s really screwed! But then again, I clearly live in the right part of my country! Tongue As a side note, China would be rightfully pissed to not get all their money back! A perk here was that there seems to be quite a lot of energy behind the otherwise familiar dystopian themes, along with the clear parallels to the US Civil War back in the 1860s. Not bad mostly thanks to its great energy, but was a little to familiar for me to get all that into it.
(ReReadability: Low / Follow: no)

RANDOM COMMENTS
Multicolored hair (thanks to dye) is totally a major fetish of mine I’m never able to fully feature in my stories!

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