12/2/12 EMSCA Update

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
A Lovely Saturday Morning  (mc mf ff md) (new) by   Iron Nick
–2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)–

One issue that popped up early for me is that this Ben character seems like someone that’s popped up elsewhere, while nothing is given to the reader to indicate anything to that possibility. Who is he? Is there a reason why he has this power, or was it some cosmic accident? How long has he been using it? Even if he is “new,” there seemed to be no reason to screw with these women, other than maybe for his enjoyment. Also, while I admit to liking the lesbian heat, I kept wondering why the inevitable neuter employee didn’t try to ask them to leave the moment they started making out. Was he actually in all their heads? Then he went out to mess with other people. Don’t get me wrong, simply being there can be interesting provided there is an air of mystery. However, there was no interesting mystery; he just did these things. In the end, this was just to unbelievable and thinly premised.
(Readability: low / follow: no)

Switch-On: Mom Makes a Mistake  (mc mf md in) (new) by   Melissa Dubban
–2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)–

I must admit that this wasn’t gonna be completely to my tastes, but I thought I’d give it a go anyway. While also I must admit to not reading this story’s predecessor, the idea behind “Switch-On” seems very far fetched to me. The fact that this tech probably doesn’t yet exist notwithstanding, the controversial nature of it would likely not make it even viable for a single commercial! Yes, that issue is discussed in a rather wedged in aside, but I still have trouble suspending my disbelief. If this was some black market thing, I would have no trouble with the premise, however. With my disbelief of the premise, I simply couldn’t get into it. As such, I skimmed quite a bit …
(Readability: low / Follow: no)

WITHOUT
Her Mother TOO (mc mf md) (new) by   HM Sandy
~~2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)~~

Would have spelled out the numbers less than three digits for formality’s sake, but there seems to be some debate on that issue in this context. Perhaps a bit too heavy on the details, too, considering the fact that typically everyday things were being described. In the end, with a story this long, I sometimes need to really be pulled in early. I unfortunately wasn’t. Wasn’t bad for what it was, but I think it was ultimately too long and slow without significant enough breaks for the reader.
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)