10/13/12 EMCSA Update

WITHIN: Graded primarily on heat and narrative
WITHOUT: Graded primarily on narrative
Possible spoilers below …

WITHIN
Aces and Eights  (mc ff mf md) (new) by   BluejayGS and CG
–2.5/5 (not great, had some redeeming qualities)–

Looks like this is the “edited” version, being 5000+ words, but even this I think could use another edit. I’m assuming the unedited version was put up by accident. Anyway, there are arguable errors first paragraph: “8th” instead of the more formal “eighth,” etc. Rushed final edit? I almost feel oddly alienated chapter one. I’m usually OK with jumping right into it, but I think we needed at least one paragraph before a discussion on the Dante-esque prisoner circles. That may be a major reason why I had trouble getting into this, ironically. Just my opinion, but the story felt oddly forced. There are definitely elements of something great here, but I had trouble getting into it.
(ReReadability: low / Follow: no)

License to Give a Nasty Paper Cut  (mc mf ff md hu) (new) by   mcguy101
–3/5 (decent, not perfect)–

Looked amusing, and with Skyfall coming out soon, thought I’d give this a go. Though, I was never really into the Chrystal Heights mythology … Whether I was receptive to the heat or not, I was definitely amused! “I’ll have a Vodka Martini, molested; not stirred.” Cheesy Definitely ridiculous, but I enjoyed myself.
(Readability: low / Follow: no)

EXTRA WITHIN
Roaming Canvas  (mc fd ma ft ex ds rb) (1 new chapter) by   Mr. Scade
–3.5/5 (good, not quite earth shattering)–

I must admit that I don’t find it erotic to have men body painted, while I can go nuts when it’s done to women. It’s a double standard, I suppose, unique to my straight male sexuality. Roll Eyes She paints does paint both, so … Not into the whole obedience thing here, while the apparent conditioning seems almost unnecessary considering how easily she controls others. In spite of that aspect, I am still enjoying this, and love the kiss of mythology Smiley
(ChapReadability: moderate / Chap: 6)

WITHOUT
Pieces (mc mf ff ma in bd ds ex ft la gr hm sf) (new) by   Flagnine1
~~2/5 (so-so, maybe a good story to others but didn’t mesmerize me)~~

I’m already mind fracked from all the tags! Anyway, this does get right to it, but like with Aces, the start was a bit thrown at the reader. Also, it’s not secret I don’t like the “talk directly to the reader” style. Plus, as someone else mentioned, things like “Ibs” should be written out as “pounds.” There were other minor errors, too, like a missing space hither and thither. Ultimately, didn’t mesh with me.
(ReReadability: Low / Follow: no)

RANDOM COMMENTS
I find the best way to ensure a running story doesn’t get left hanging or too long is to all but finish it before I consider posting it.

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